It has been a bumpy ride; too many years lost, to anger, sadness, uncertainties, etc. It does take a toll on our bodies. No matter what could come our way, my husband would take it at face value, reflect upon it, realize it is out of his control and forget about it. I, on the other hand, would spend hours of each day, stewing, allowing everything to get to me.
I found myself taking naps during the day, simply to allow my mind to rest. Too many emotions clouded my mind, as I would allow everything to slowly bring me down. How I wished I could have my husband's attitude, but unfortunately, I care a little too much about everything and I found myself always needing to know the "why?" behind everything. "Why does this person treat me the way they do?" "What have I done to them?" "Why is this happening to us?" The endless "Why?", never gave me any answers and it fueled me with doubt, with anger, with sheer disgust for this world we were living in. None of it made sense, as we are good people, always there for others in need, always the first in line to help.
This needing to know, needing to make sense, needing to understand, consumed me. It caused me to make myself ill, deep within. As a result, my body could only take so much and retaliated.
They say, the most crucial part of recovery, when dealing with cancer, is to avoid stress, to free oneself of stressful situations and people. I would require an induced coma to be able to pull that one off, with everything that keeps happening to us and around us.
For now, I must avoid all stress. People who live and thrive on drama, must be set aside. I must free myself of all negativity and simply reflect on what is most important in my life, my husband and my children. Without me, in their lives, there would be no family to come home to.
Thank you cancer, for saving my life.
Montreal, Canada
