Caring for a person with dementia at home requires the dedication and talents of all members of a family, and each person has unique ways of contributing according to different circumstances.
When I think of my sister Barby and her role in our mother Shirley’s life,
I think of a kind and gentle woman who keeps Shirley connected to the outside world and all of us in the family connected to each other.
How does Barby do this? One of the actions which Shirley repeats many times daily in her dementia is to check for mail.
And Barby is the one who has been faithfully sending notes several times a week ever since the passing of our dad three years ago.
These colorful notes are always embellished with photos of the stuffed animals she calls her “kids” and brief, clever captions which Shirley can,
and does, read over and over. Shirley always looks forward to retrieving and opening her own mail and saves every note. When family visits, she shows them these treasures and happily reads them out loud and chuckles at them.
In addition, Barby (like our sisters Nancy and Bonnie!) provides many little gifts of knickknacks, decorations, or “stuffies” for Shirley to enjoy as she constantly rearranges where to put them every day. Because Barby lives out of state, she communicates regularly with Shirley by telephone, again connecting her to the outside world through activities which are routine for most of us. When Barby visits, she always takes Shirley for an outing where she can observe the world around her.
Not only does Barby concern herself for our mother, but she keeps our whole family connected through her weekly “Friday Thoughts” shared via email with her siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, and extended family and friends. I can’t imagine Shirley’s life without Barby providing such wonderful moral support.
So thank you, dear Barby, for all that you do so quietly and often in the background. You are a treasure and dearly loved and appreciated by all of us.
Brockton, MA
